May 13, 2016 |
You could easily imagine the models of the Louis Vuitton AW14 show trekking across an empty desert. They are dressed for desert trekking. Well, the idea of desert trekking at least. Perhaps, in reality, cashmeres do not make for the best desert-trekking attire. It could end up a little warm. But the idea of trekking in cashmere, well, it’s just an idea, so you wouldn’t collapse from overheating. And nothing lends itself to the idea of desert travel quite like cashmere. Especially Louis Vuitton cashmere. Imagine riding an alpaca across the Atacama Desert in Chile (because that just happens to be where Kim Jones travelled in the name of research) while dressed in layers of Louis Vuitton cashmere woven with the wool of the alpaca you ride: perhaps a double-breasted suit in rich navy, with a matching coat shot through with a maroon stripe – in homage to the chamanto, the national poncho – draped loosely over your shoulders, billowing against the sand as you power across the vast expanse on the aforementioned alpaca. Do alpacas power? Possibly, and this would then explain the need for the futuristic glasses worn in the show, which sort of resembled mirrored ski goggles. Because if you’re powering through land referred to as the driest desert in the world, it could get a little dusty, and dust in the eye is a bitch. Apparently, the soil is practically identical to that found on Mars, which is why NASA practise Mars-type activities there, for which I presume they also wear futuristic mirrored glasses. I like to imagine a future where astronauts – and regular people, for space travel for the masses is coming at some point – are shot into space while wearing Louis Vuitton eyewear. It’s much more flattering than a helmet. But maybe Louis Vuitton will design space helmets, too. It makes me feel quite sad that they don’t yet, but maybe that will be the theme for the next collection: space on earth. Imagine a Louis Vuitton astronaut. The downy layers in this collection would look rather good teamed with a space helmet. Those coats made from some sort of high-spec nylon, with the hoods, in maroon, or panels of navy and just hints of maroon, would go well with clear glass (or whatever it is space helmets are made of) and a handsome visage. And they would stay clean much better than white. Why are space suits always made of white? It’s especially unflattering in those proportions. Navy or maroon would be far more becoming. And after your re-entry into earth’s atmosphere you would emerge from your shuttle to photographers looking pristine and pulled together rather than dishevelled and grubby. Have you ever noticed how astronauts never look as good as they could? It’s because they’re not wearing Louis Vuitton.
