April 8, 2017 |
Cinderella was right to throw a tantrum about being locked in a cellar with the house rats instead of going to the palace ball. Hungry rats, no less, that treated her feet like an all-you-can-eat buffet. Why wouldn’t she have wanted to go? Why wouldn’t she have wanted a dress? And a coach? And earrings and a diamond brooch? Not to mention some lovely silver slippers. Have the Ugly Sisters not seen the new Molly Goddard X Topshop collaboration? When else will she get to wear these twinkling beauties? When she’s on her knees, scrubbing the cracks between the floorboards with her toothbrush? Do they not know the damage that toothpaste can wreak on fine leather? These shoes might be silver in colour, but made of silver they are not. Do they not know that, to clean leather, one must mix 1 part mild soap with 8 parts water, preferably bottled or distilled, and then pour the mixture into a spray bottle and spray onto a sturdy cloth or sponge and then delicately wipe? Probably not, but if you were to show them a broom they’d ask what it was. Shoes like these are not meant to be worn for doing the dishes in, but for disco dancing. At the palace. They’re designed for being lost on the steps as you rush outside to your coach before it turns back into a pumpkin when the clock strikes midnight.
Take from “Ten Commandments” Issue 58 of 10 Women, ANGELS PLEASURE FLUID, on newsstands now…
Fashion Editor Will Johns
