May 13, 2013 |
Is the anything beyond accessories? Is there anything more favulous? With clothes your options of how to wear them are limited. With accessories, they are endless. To sort of quote Carlyne Cerf de Dudzeele, “I love accessories! Life is about mixing accessories to be divine in the street!” But how to mix? Allow us to illustrate with the help of Emporio Armani’s divine selection.
THE GLOVE
This one has four fingers. And flashes the back of your hand. Cheeky. Think of it as an update to the driving glove, the one with the holes that your knuckles peek through. But more elegant. Red knuckles look ugly. With this one, they’re hidden. Only the most elegant part of your hand is shown. Your fingers look long and thin, too. Each one is covered in a sleek layer of leather. Just as high heels lengthen legs, so these gloves lengthen fingers.
THE EARRINGS
These are big and round. Wooden circles with a tiny hole cut out of the middle. They look a bit like doughnuts. But flat. In fact they look like what we imagine the infamous sign of the doughnut from Mars Attacks! would look like if it were real and not drawn in the air. If you’ve not had your ears pierced, fear not: balance one on your head at an angle, like a really tiny hat; or attach one to your lapel to make a stylish brooch. Or just get your ears pierced wear and them as earrings. Controversial.
THE SHOE
It looks a bit like a ribbed gill of some favulous multicoloured sea creature that has moulded itself around your foot in the manner of a heel-less, toeless sock. People are always looking for something they can call the new erogenous zone, so we’d like to take this opportunity to nominate the heel and the toe for the accolade. Any devoted foot fetishist would be inclined to agree. There’s really nothing better than a freshly pedicured foot encased in a striking feat of architectural shoe design.
THE BAG
There’s a multitude of bags here. Favulous bags. Bags that will require you to hire a bodyguard, or at least invest in some pepper spray, as people will mug you for yours. The recent crop of Emporio bags will surely prompt a sharp spike in crime statistics. But if we saw someone with, say, the shiny silver clutch that could be mistaken for a mirror due to its extreme shininess, or the emerald-hued mini rectangular crossover that could easily be confused for an emerald – even the bucket, a pale buttercream confection, complete with perforated red leather interior – we’d be tempted to wallop them over the head and make off with their bag.
by Natalie Dembinska
