We can’t help but feel an overwhelming sense of disappointment that we were cruelly “overlooked” from British Airway’s “World’s Best Dressed Traveller” list that the airline published today. Swift boycotting will follow. And no, it’s not because we begrudge Victoria Beckham for clinching the top spot – she is, and always will be the epitome of travelling grace. Remember when she wore that power-shouldered leather jacket, matching leather peaked cap and giant white Birkin? Yes, anybody who exits the plane in such a “look” deserves commendation. No, we are disappointed not that we didn’t win, but just because we weren’t considered at all. I mean, have none of you observed Sophia’s airport totter in a 6-inch Alaia boot whilst simultaneously wheeling a teeny tiny suitcase, Snapchatting and generally looking like shimmering, glamourous goddess? And yes, in case you wondered, those boots remain on for a transatlantic flight. This, dear readers, is what is known as commitment. Sophia has commitment. With a capital C. And we, her Ten children, learnt from the best. Well, apart from me, perhaps. I generally appear from a plane looking so bad I often face being quarantined after being mistaken for an illegally imported animal.
So, instead I turned to the gathered team for tips. Will, our resident Posh spice, had several tips for looking “fresh and beautiful” when arriving in your destination. So many tips, in fact, I ended up having to leave the room, at which point he preceded to follow me downstairs whilst continuing to instill the importance of 3 in-flight face masks, a pot of Elizabeth Arden cream, 4 litres of water and a call ahead to your hotel concierge for him/her to prepare “green tea ice cubes” for which to place over your tired eyes. Because, for Will, “It’s not about the clothes, it’s about the face. Do not,” he says, “turn it into a desert.” He looks quite serious as he says this. He is looking straight at me. Right down deep into my pores. Thankfully, Phoebe offered a less high maintenance tip. “If you wear contact lenses then put on prescription sunglasses. Then you can see. But noone can see you.” Garth, who recently embarked on a 36-hour trip there and back to Australia, also favours the relaxed approach. His choice of footwear? As Dominic called it – a “yard sandal” situation. It’s a prison thing, apparently. Sliders and socks to the rest of us. Coz Garth is butch, don’t you know. Dominic too favours comfort, which was a surprising twist from our resident fashion bone. But don’t get him wrong – this is the most fabulous sort of comfort wear. Because, as he says, “you do not, do not, want to exit the plane looking a… hot mess.” And my tip for looking fabulous? Drink. Drink until your reflection in the airplane mirror is so unclear that you can’t actually tell what you look like. Or who is looking at you. Or where you are. Or your own name. That, dear reader, is the secret to graceful travel.
