April 9, 2018 |
Today, declares the marketing department of an unnamed plastic toy manufacturer, is National Unicorn Day.
Now, this statement and the press release it came written on, caused a stir in the 10 office because a. there are no such things as unicorns and thus the 150-odd word press release asks us to temporarily suspend any logical faculty we may have. And b. maybe there is such things as unicorns and we just can’t see them because we’ve not had any drugs.
To accompany said release were pictures, we’ve included some here, of various pieces of brightly coloured and eco-toxic non-renewable tut such as these lovely lovely beads. And this divine divine charm which can hang off a bracelet and/or foreskin.
And while we’re talking about body parts, after four hours of trawling various 18+ sexy websites, we can confirm that people can and do dress up as unicorns and do sex with other similarly dressed partners.
One 18+ picture revealed a unicorn horn going up a hole where unicorn pooh comes out of! This is, of course, complete and utter filth and yet strangely moorish. The things these mono-horned fantastical creatures (dirty pig fellas in crappo oufits) get up to.
Those old enough to remember 1980s kids’ cartoon Dungeons and Dragons may remember the character Uni, a white unicorn with a magical unicorn horn. Of all the Dungeons and Dragons characters, Uni was indeed the most annoying and “smash in the face-able”. Honestly! Would that thing ever stop bleating?
If any 10 reader finds a unicorn, we at 10 are more than willing to buy it from you with these very special magic beans we have in this here silken purse. And if you plant these magic beans, they will grow into the world’s largest beanstalk and go all the way up to the sky. At the top you will find a shouty crackers giant and a random poor looking boy called Jack.
Thank you for getting all the way to the end.
