October 30, 2014 |
How To Make Your Own Scarecrow
To make your own scarecrow you will need:
1 alcoholic Polak.
1 Cornish Polak-minion and alcoholic-in-training.
First, don your apron (as per fig.1). Making a scarecrow can be messy work, particularly when using an alcoholic Polak. Protective clothing must be worn at all times. Second, cloth your alcoholic Polak in many layers of clothes, arranging her arms in an outstretched position. Third, mess up her hair to give the effect of straw. The more dishevelled, the better. Fourth, place a hat onto the dishevelled hair. Five, place your scarecrow in a field and leave her there as long as required, remembering to give her vodka to drink two-three times a day.
By Will Johns and Ted Stansfield
