April 14, 2014 |
GIORGIO ARMANI: THE SANDAL
The summer season is upon us and with it comes the grand unveiling of the masculine foot. You will be wearing sandals. You will be wanting an attractive sandal. Male feet, as a rule, are unattractive, so you need something to counterbalance the unattractiveness, to distract from it – something like this fine crocodile sandal by Giorgio Armani. Drink in that handsomeness with your eyes. Admire the thickness of the chocolate-coloured stripes. Imagine how nice and smooth they will feel against your skin. Take note of the leather insole and notice how it’s slightly padded for comfort. Remark on the delicate, two-tone stripe on the sole. Call ahead to the boutique and ask them to put a pair on hold, and while waiting, why not ponder our sandal wearing don’ts and commit them to memory? There is, after all, nothing worse than wearing an attractive sandal and having people shriek in horror at the sight of your feet in them.
1. Please, whatever you do, before you even go into the Armani boutique to try on these sandals, get a pedicure. Nobody wants to see your feet in their natural state, or smell them. Witness those curled toenails, which always lead you to think, “How do you walk with those attached to the end of your feet? Does it not hurt? Do you have to buy shoes in a larger size to fit them in?” Just because they are crocodile, it does not mean that your feet have to resemble a crocodile’s. Matching feet to sandal is a big no.
2. On that note, make sure your toes are clean. Maybe buy a nailbrush. That’s kind of what they were invented for.
3. Maybe trim the toe hair, too. Just a little. Enough to look groomed. You’re not going for a full-on waxed look. You are not a reality-TV star. You have class. At least I hope so.
4. Also, do not think that you can wear socks to conceal an unsavoury foot situation. In fact, do not think that you can wear sandals with socks full stop. Would Mr Armani wear socks with sandals? Have you ever seen a picture of him in socks and sandals? If you’re going to wear sandals, then be a man about it. Own your masculinity. Go sockless.
5. Make sure they fit. In the same way you would make sure a brogue or a trainer fits. In the sense that your toes don’t curl over the edge, your heel doesn’t stick out the back, they don’t fall off when you walk, your foot doesn’t slide around in them. Nobody likes to see a flaccid-looking foot sliding around in a beautifully crafted sandal. You end up feeling sorry for the shoe and want to call the RSPCA and report it. Because it is cruel to animals. Cruel to the one you are wearing on your feet.
By Natalie Dembinska
