I think, and Garth agrees with me, that I would make a fabulous transsexual. It’s my feet, you see. They look, as Vincent once told me, like a Manolo Blahnik drawing. I am proportioned, you see, like Bambi, like a fawn. But I’m not considering gender-realignment surgery. At least I wasn’t until I saw this pair of stilettos by DSquared2. They would transform me into the fabulous woman I have always dreaming of being. This fabulous woman would be like a young Sinead O’Connor. She would be called Lisa. Oh wait, there’s already a Lisa Stansfield. Shit. Maybe I could be called Lisà with an accent, for a classy continental twist. Yes, I would be called Lisà, I would wear stilettos by DSquared2 and I would be absolutely fucking fabulous.