October 19, 2016 |
Think of this as a classy version of eBay. Where, instead of the usual mis-advised purchases one makes when under the pressure of a small ticking clock, you can instead nab yourself a brand new, one-of-a-kind Coach bag. Yes, to celebrate the iconic American brand’s 75th birthday they are auctioning off 48 of the things – spanning iconic Coach shapes from over the years – the Duffle (1971), the Saddle (1972) and, my personal favourite, even for name alone, the Dinky (1974). They’ve all been reworked with a host of Stuart Vevers-approved embellishments, illustrations and, of course, a smattering of dinosaurs. And, in amongst the 48 there will also be 11 inspired by celebrity pals – from Debbie Harry to Lena Dunham, referencing each’s unique personality. Some lots even come with special add ons, like attending a Coach runway show or having a bag named after you. Which made me wonder what the ‘Jack’ bag would look like, until I realised it would probably be a large black sack that no-one would be seen dead in public with. Oh, well. Luckily though, these ones are, as the image above demonstrates, grade-A bag beauties. And the best bit? Well, for guilt-free shopping purposes – proceeds up to $50,000 go to the Costume Institute at The Metropolitan Museum of Art. It would be rude, nay, unethical, not to max out all five of your credit cards. And now for a special guest appearing from Ms Natalie Dembinska, who has, for the purposes of this piece become, via the help of Google, our resident online auction expert/David Dickinson. Disclaimer: she is not, actually, in any way, an expert.
Believe nothing and check everything
“Are Coach really putting up 48 bags for sale? Have they actually been specially designed for this auction? Are they actually bags? How will you know till you inspect them from the inside out? For all you know, it’s some North Korean scam artist with a dodgy connection on the South Korean border trying to make enough to fund his escape for freedom. Well, except for in this instance, we can assure you, that they are actually fully certified Coach product. Nonetheless: trust no-one.”
Keep your highest price a secret
“Why fuel your competitors and give them a way to undercut you? You’re in this to win so win. And if you want to watch those bitches burn, lie. Give them a false number. Make it low. Then when they think they’ve won, swoop in at the last moment with your actual bid and watch their faces crumple. Victory will be yours! And if you go for the whole lot of that Coach booty, remember you can always resell it to them at a later date for a higher price. There’s a killing to be made in this auction game. And don’t forget, its for a good cause too. Coach’s charity of choice. And you. Everyones a winner baby.”
The Reserve Price
“Ignore this. It’s just there as a negotiation starting point. As is Buy Now. Buy Now means buy later. And seeing as these beauties are to benefit charity, we’re assuming they don’t want to end up in a buy later situation. Knock at least 20% off that buying price and go from there. If all goes well you’ll end up below the asking price, meaning it’s win win for you and them. After all, beggars can’t be choosers and as Tesco always says, every penny helps.”
Do not bid too soon
“Bidding too soon or setting up an automatic bid thing shows interest. The more interest, the higher the price. The higher the price the more likely you are to be out priced of opting that custom Coach beauty. So be smart and wait till the last minute before you outbid that bag grabbing virtual bitch by the most satisfying one pence over her offer bid.”
The auction is available here until October 28th at 5pm EST.
