November 16, 2017 |
Here’s a natty concept: flats. We know – it’s common knowledge that, here at the Towers, we are inclined towards footwear that is essentially a corset for trotters with a large spike attached, placing us in our favourite position (entirely immobile). We will admit that the whole teetering-’til-you-drop thing does get un peu fatiguing sometimes. As young Joel put it: “Sometimes you’ve got to let those little piggies up for air.” Even La Neophitou, who came out of the womb in a six-incher, has been known to don a flat *gasps of horror* – worn only, we should add, when frolicking about the cliffs of Kefalonia to, you know, prevent her from plummeting to her death. For such purposes, we would recommend the above. They are made by Birkenstock. Birkenstock are German. Germans know a flat sandal. They are sensible people. And these are sensible shoes. Sensible with furry bits. A bit like a soft toy you can stick your foot into. The benefits? Multiple, gorge. You will be able to stand up. And walk. You will no longer need to be carried along the street by someone who may be mistaken for your carer. Your hooves will not resemble those seen on Barbie or a woman from Imperial China, or even a tied-up joint of meat. Your feet will be happy. And it’s nice to keep them happy. You’ll only ever have two.
The very first official Birkenstock store opens today at 48 Neal Street, Covent Garden, London
Taken from Issue 59 of 10 Magazine, REBEL HEART, on newsstands now…
