May 18, 2016 |
For those of you who didn’t watch Eurovision at the weekend there was a great performance at the interval called ‘Love Love Peace Peace’, which was a compilation of all the greatest moments from Eurovision winners. A bit like a Dummies guide for winning Eurovision. With our sisters Down Under at 10 Australia, well into fashion week, succinctly shortened to MBFWA I thought I would give all those attending my Dummies guide to getting noticed at Fashion Week.
Any first timers may be thinking that the key to success is a visual assault. That the biggest, most colourful outfit they can put together gets the most attention. Visuals are indeed important, but like any problem to overcome it must be attacked from all angles. Engage all the senses. First, smell and taste. This is the ground work which must be completed a week (more if you have the time) before the shows are to start. Fill your bath with blended petals of all the different varieties of flowers you can get your hands on and soak it in. The special trick is to throw in an unexpected ingredient – an onion or perhaps a fish head. Remember to remove the eyes first so you can make a statement pair of earrings. Remember – reduce, reuse, recycle. You need to keep them guessing. First hit them a strong floral pong. And then the back of their throat with your fishy friend.
Now that you’ve prepared two of the five senses you can move on to touch. This must be assembled at the beginning of each day of shows, before you put on your outfit. Find a sticky substance to cover yourself in. I’d suggest butter or honey for beginners, lube for those feeling a little more confident, and if you really want to go for it try superglue. When you arrive try to touch as many people as possible. Who would forget touching a slippery substance? An if you’re in the expert category and went for superglue nobody will be able to leave your side. The ultimate squad goals.
Now you are ready for sight. Now I know I discredited a big colourful outfit before but only because it was important to first focus on the smaller details that can sometimes be overlooked. Don’t be afraid of spontaneity, but rather embrace it. Don’t plan your outfits prior to the shows, that’s just far too limiting. You might see a fab rock on the way to the shows (after getting out of your Uber round the corner after getting six trains and a bus) and fashion it into a hat. Or perhaps a stray cat that you can turn into a living clutch. Nothing screams chic like your regurgitated belongings on the FROW. Take a risk – wear a feather boa as a tail or your grandma’s actual curtains. Wear nothing in the winter and every single layer you own in the summer. Who cares if you pass out or die of hypothermia? It’ll be totes drams. Nothing is too much. With the exception of the kitchen sink. Don’t do that, it’s a cliche.
Finally the last sense – sound. This must be saved until you are actually on the grind, chatting with fab fashionistas at the shows. Learn a new language (perhaps Klingon or Swahili) and refuse to speak anything else besides this. People might not be able to understand a word you’re saying but they will think you’re cool and exotic. Experts may want to confuse people even more by speaking a less obscure language like French but with a German accent. Or visa versa. Nobody is going to forget the French speaking German man/woman. Or was it the German speaking French man/woman? Again, keep them guessing.
And this is all the wisdom I can impart on you. But don’t limit yourself. Be bold. A sensory sensation. Make brave choices and do whatever the fuck it takes to get those street style pictures taken. Your grandma would be so proud.
Photographs by Jason Lloyd-Evans
