May 29, 2015 |
Every morning, when we wake, before we do anything else, we turn our heads towards our shoe closet and say a little prayer of thanks to Miuccia for the bounty of Prada that lies within. For, without the shoes, we would be lost. Having Prada on our feet has helped us get through life thus far unscathed, despite the many vicious obstacles that have stood in our way. Such as the tree that sprouts from the middle of the pavement, directly in the path that leads from your home to public transportation, which you must walk around every morning, as it is a rather wide tree, and therefore adds an extra five minutes to your journey, not only denying you vital beauty sleep, or at least more time to try to stave off puffiness from your eyes, but also causing unnecessary extra wear to your Prada shoes. Or such as when it rains, because is there really a bigger curse than rain? Not only will it wreak havoc on your hair (not that anyone would notice anyway), but it will also wreak havoc on your shoes. Brocade and rain really do not go together. Firstly because you really do not need a darker version of your wooden-soled beauty, as you already own it in every colourway, but mainly because no one likes a waterlogged shoe. It squelches, which really is the most unpleasant feeling, especially since you had that foot surgery to fit into the shoe, and thus not resemble an ugly sister trying to squash her foot into a dainty glass slipper. The doctor claimed that removing the little toe from each foot might leave you with a loss of sensation in that particular area, but you’ve found that the sensation is actually heightened. Especially when wearing damp brocade. It really does cause the strangest electrical impulses to course through your body when the stump rubs against the fabric, and you’re not entirely sure if you find that entirely pleasurable. At least you don’t in public places – “Yes, there’s that woman who can’t control herself, but she has an illness.” You don’t. You’re merely a double amputee so, really, you shouldn’t have to suffer. You’ve been back to the doctor to ask if there is anything he can do for it, and he asked if you had ever experienced anything similar and you said, “Yes, but only in Prada, when trying on new shoes.” And after many tests to determine that this really isn’t all in your mind, he suggested that maybe it was time to swap the Prada for an orthopaedic shoe. The fool. Obviously, your condition is not affected by the shoes you wear. Which is why you now not only have to buy new Prada, you also have to buy a new doctor. Hardly as pleasurable a task.
By Natalie Dembinska
