December 21, 2014 |
It’s not about your feet, it’s what you wear on them. Or, rather, who you wear on them. And who better to wear on your feet than Jimmy? “Jimmy who?” (called out in our best American cheerleader voice – think Kirsten Dunst in Bring It On). “Jimmy Choo!” Oh Jimmy, you’re so fine, you’re so fine. You’re so fine, you blow my mind. It’s true, Jimmy. You do blow our minds. You blow our minds with your shoe designs.
Let’s talk about feet. Fetishised by some. Hated by most. But despite their (many) faults, they afford us two great privileges: the ability to walk and the ability to wear shoes. And these are privileges we don’t take for granted – particularly the latter when it comes to Jimmy Choo shoes. For while I struggle to relate to the foot fetishist, I can understand the power a shoe can play in the art of seduction. Not in the same way that online subculture that’s into pleasuring themselves into trainers understand it. Never! Simply that I believe you can tell a lot about a man, and indeed his feet, by his shoes.
Jimmy Choo shoes, for example, tell us that a man’s feet are well maintained. Not pedicured in the same way that BryanBoy’s feet are, but well clipped. This is a man who takes care of himself, but not to a superfluous degree. And if the size of one’s feet correlates, according to urban legend, to the size of one’s penis, then maintenance of one’s feet correlates to. Well, as I say, this is a man who takes care of himself. And that is just one example.
We all have qualms about our feet. Even the residents of Ten Towers. Will’s relate to the flipper shape of his. And Vincent, the boat size of his. I had qualms about my own bony feet until last week, when Vincent described them as, “like a Manolo Blahnik drawing”. I’ve been exhibiting them at every available opportunity since.
But you may not be as lucky as me. You may have ugly feet. Really ugly feet, even. They may be the shape of a flipper and the size of a boat. In both cases, Jimmy can help you. Apart from being well designed, they also contain a [insert object of your sexual desire] magnet. The truth is in the pudding.
Photographer: Jason Lloyd-Evans
By Ted Stansfield
